The Screechling Issues First Statement From Under Las Vegas
Satire / entertainment. Read responsibly. Panic recreationally.
LAS VEGAS – The Screechling, Disturbing Times’ alleged storm-drain correspondent, issued a statement Tuesday from beneath what used to be a buffet and may now be a municipal organ.
The statement arrived by fax noise, wet footprint, and one envelope labeled “FOR THE ABOVE PEOPLE.” It warned that the city’s storm drains have begun holding meetings and that several manhole covers have “union energy.”
Experts consulted by Disturbing Times were unable to confirm the creature’s claims because none of them would climb down there, which is frankly the kind of professionalism this paper respects.
The Screechling ended his statement by requesting batteries, soup, and a laminated copy of the end-times paperwork.
