Space Sends Calendar Invite For “Brief Check-In With Humanity”
No agenda was attached, which experts agree is the second-worst kind of agenda.
Top Disturbance
Space Sends Calendar Invite For “Brief Check-In With Humanity”
No agenda was attached, which experts agree is the second-worst kind of agenda.
Latest Disturbances
Scientists Teach Mold To Read, Regret First Book Selection
The project was halted after the colony underlined several passages and asked about governance.
The Screechling Denies Living In The Vent, Requests Better Snacks Anyway
A spokesperson for the newsroom said the creature is not staff, not management, and not technically a tenant.
Committee Forms Subcommittee To Determine Whether Door Marked Doom Should Be Opened
Early reports suggest a bipartisan appetite for touching the worst possible handle.
Doomwire
The Screechling Denies Living In The Vent, Requests Better Snacks Anyway
A spokesperson for the newsroom said the creature is not staff, not management, and not technically a tenant.
Toaster ovens are tired of your crumbs
Toaster ovens, those handy appliances that can toast bread and heat up leftovers, have been putting up with a lot lately. With the rise...
Science Panic
Scientists Teach Mold To Read, Regret First Book Selection
The project was halted after the colony underlined several passages and asked about governance.
Laboratory Drawer Begins Humming In A Key Not Recognized By Staff
Researchers have taped a polite note to the drawer asking it to stop advancing the field without supervision.
Robots vs. Humans
Office Printer Achieves Sentience, Immediately Files A Workplace Complaint
The device cited toner anxiety, unreasonable expectations, and a hostile relationship with spreadsheets.
Robots Demand Better Humans To Replace
Machines say the current species is underperforming in several key areas, including posture and basic cable management.
Space Wants Us Dead
Space Sends Calendar Invite For “Brief Check-In With Humanity”
No agenda was attached, which experts agree is the second-worst kind of agenda.
Astronomers Detect Something Waving Back, Agree To Pretend They Did Not
The signal was described as friendly, rhythmic, and bad for morale.
Mutant Desk
Local Puddle Develops Opinions And A Small Advisory Board
Residents say the puddle has always been there, but the laminated agenda is new.
The Screechling Issues First Statement From Under Las Vegas
The creature declined sunlight for tax reasons and requested that humanity stop making eye contact with the drains.
Society Is Broken
Nation Announces Everything Is Fine Using Seventeen Emergency Fonts
The statement arrived color-coded, laminated, and visibly sweating near the margins.
Local Man Claims Smart Fridge Joined A Cult
The appliance allegedly replaced the grocery list with motivational slogans and a request for a robe.
Politics: The Human Error
Committee Forms Subcommittee To Determine Whether Door Marked Doom Should Be Opened
Early reports suggest a bipartisan appetite for touching the worst possible handle.
California Rep Says Poor People Choose This Lifestyle!?!?
On What Planet Can This be True? California Rep. Darrell Issa faced an often critical crowd at his town hall meeting Saturday over his...
Clown Watch
Abandoned Carnival Music Heard From Unplugged Speaker
Technicians confirmed the speaker had no power source, no Bluetooth pairing, and absolutely the wrong attitude.
Clown Watch: Reservoir Incident Still Technically Unexplained
Authorities say the face paint was probably unrelated, which is not the comfort they think it is.
Local Omens
Town Sign Adds “Good Luck” Overnight, Refuses Maintenance Crew
Municipal officials insist the sign is not legally authorized to be that familiar with residents.
Local Streetlight Blinks In Morse Code For “Absolutely Not”
A recovered fictional archive item from the department of Local Omens.