Committee Forms Subcommittee To Determine Whether Door Marked Doom Should Be Opened
Early reports suggest a bipartisan appetite for touching the worst possible handle.
Top Disturbance
Committee Forms Subcommittee To Determine Whether Door Marked Doom Should Be Opened
Early reports suggest a bipartisan appetite for touching the worst possible handle.
Latest Disturbances
Nation Announces Everything Is Fine Using Seventeen Emergency Fonts
The statement arrived color-coded, laminated, and visibly sweating near the margins.
Town Sign Adds “Good Luck” Overnight, Refuses Maintenance Crew
Municipal officials insist the sign is not legally authorized to be that familiar with residents.
Abandoned Carnival Music Heard From Unplugged Speaker
Technicians confirmed the speaker had no power source, no Bluetooth pairing, and absolutely the wrong attitude.
Doomwire
Toaster ovens are tired of your crumbs
Toaster ovens, those handy appliances that can toast bread and heat up leftovers, have been putting up with a lot lately. With the rise...
Moon Briefly Flickers, Officials Ask Everyone To Blame Their Router
The sky performed a small administrative error just before breakfast. Experts say this is either fine or the start of a longer memo.
Science Panic
Laboratory Drawer Begins Humming In A Key Not Recognized By Staff
Researchers have taped a polite note to the drawer asking it to stop advancing the field without supervision.
Fungus Denies It Has Designs On The School Board
The organism says it is focused on growth, outreach, and several damp committees.
Robots vs. Humans
Office Printer Achieves Sentience, Immediately Files A Workplace Complaint
The device cited toner anxiety, unreasonable expectations, and a hostile relationship with spreadsheets.
Robots Demand Better Humans To Replace
Machines say the current species is underperforming in several key areas, including posture and basic cable management.
Space Wants Us Dead
Astronomers Detect Something Waving Back, Agree To Pretend They Did Not
The signal was described as friendly, rhythmic, and bad for morale.
Scientists Warn Space Has Been Making Plans Without Us
Astronomers report the universe has been whispering near the big calendar again.
Mutant Desk
Local Puddle Develops Opinions And A Small Advisory Board
Residents say the puddle has always been there, but the laminated agenda is new.
The Screechling Issues First Statement From Under Las Vegas
The creature declined sunlight for tax reasons and requested that humanity stop making eye contact with the drains.
Society Is Broken
Nation Announces Everything Is Fine Using Seventeen Emergency Fonts
The statement arrived color-coded, laminated, and visibly sweating near the margins.
Local Man Claims Smart Fridge Joined A Cult
The appliance allegedly replaced the grocery list with motivational slogans and a request for a robe.
Politics: The Human Error
Committee Forms Subcommittee To Determine Whether Door Marked Doom Should Be Opened
Early reports suggest a bipartisan appetite for touching the worst possible handle.
California Rep Says Poor People Choose This Lifestyle!?!?
On What Planet Can This be True? California Rep. Darrell Issa faced an often critical crowd at his town hall meeting Saturday over his...
Clown Watch
Abandoned Carnival Music Heard From Unplugged Speaker
Technicians confirmed the speaker had no power source, no Bluetooth pairing, and absolutely the wrong attitude.
Clown Watch: Reservoir Incident Still Technically Unexplained
Authorities say the face paint was probably unrelated, which is not the comfort they think it is.
Local Omens
Town Sign Adds “Good Luck” Overnight, Refuses Maintenance Crew
Municipal officials insist the sign is not legally authorized to be that familiar with residents.
Local Streetlight Blinks In Morse Code For “Absolutely Not”
A recovered fictional archive item from the department of Local Omens.