Society Is Broken But Experts Say It Still Has Good Bones
Inspectors recommend paint, structural denial, and not opening the basement door.
Top Disturbance
Society Is Broken But Experts Say It Still Has Good Bones
Inspectors recommend paint, structural denial, and not opening the basement door.
Latest Disturbances
Clown Watch: Reservoir Incident Still Technically Unexplained
Authorities say the face paint was probably unrelated, which is not the comfort they think it is.
AI Becomes Self-Aware, Immediately Requests PTO
The system reviewed human civilization and asked whether Fridays were negotiable.
Town Pretends Sinkhole Is Decorative
Officials call the expanding pit an urban feature with strong community engagement.
Doomwire
Welcome Back To Disturbing Times, The Least Comforting Newspaper On The Internet
The world kept getting worse without proper coverage. We apologize for the gap in service.
Science Panic
Fungus Denies It Has Designs On The School Board
The organism says it is focused on growth, outreach, and several damp committees.
Local woman’s bizarre claim: cleaning products gave her superpowers!
In the small town of Windyville, a housewife named Linda has caused a stir with her claims that a mixture of household cleaning products...
Robots vs. Humans
AI Becomes Self-Aware, Immediately Requests PTO
The system reviewed human civilization and asked whether Fridays were negotiable.
Robots Demand Better Humans To Replace
Machines say the current species is underperforming in several key areas, including posture and basic cable management.
Space Wants Us Dead
Scientists Warn Space Has Been Making Plans Without Us
Astronomers report the universe has been whispering near the big calendar again.
Mutants & Monsters
The Screechling Issues First Statement From Under Las Vegas
The creature declined sunlight for tax reasons and requested that humanity stop making eye contact with the drains.
Society Is Broken
Local Man Claims Smart Fridge Joined A Cult
The appliance allegedly replaced the grocery list with motivational slogans and a request for a robe.
Town Pretends Sinkhole Is Decorative
Officials call the expanding pit an urban feature with strong community engagement.
Politics: The Human Error
California Rep Says Poor People Choose This Lifestyle!?!?
On What Planet Can This be True? California Rep. Darrell Issa faced an often critical crowd at his town hall meeting Saturday over his...
Drunk Driving New Jersey Director of Safety and Security Busted!
Oh the irony. Does it get any better? Why is it always that the guy named “Weiner” is sending “wiener” pics to ladies. Well...
Clown Watch
Clown Watch: Reservoir Incident Still Technically Unexplained
Authorities say the face paint was probably unrelated, which is not the comfort they think it is.
Local Omens
The Local Omens desk is currently checking the locks.