Science Panic
Scientists Teach Mold To Read, Regret First Book Selection
June 16, 2026 / Dr. Voltage
Satire / entertainment. Read responsibly. Panic recreationally.
Filed by the Night Desk. The project was halted after the colony underlined several passages and asked about governance.
Witnesses were advised to remain calm, keep receipts, and avoid making eye contact with any object that had recently learned confidence.
This is satire and entertainment. The newsroom recommends practical shoes and emotional flexibility.
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June 16, 2026 / Dr. Voltage
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June 5, 2026 / Dr. Voltage
The statement arrived color-coded, laminated, and visibly sweating near the margins.