Mutants
Local Puddle Develops Opinions And A Small Advisory Board
May 26, 2026 / Dr. Voltage
Satire / entertainment. Read responsibly. Panic recreationally.
Filed by the Night Desk. Residents say the puddle has always been there, but the laminated agenda is new.
Witnesses were advised to remain calm, keep receipts, and avoid making eye contact with any object that had recently learned confidence.
This is satire and entertainment. The newsroom recommends practical shoes and emotional flexibility.
More Disturbing Posts
May 26, 2026 / Dr. Voltage
Residents say the puddle has always been there, but the laminated agenda is new.
May 22, 2026 / Dr. Voltage
The signal was described as friendly, rhythmic, and bad for morale.
May 19, 2026 / Dr. Voltage
The device cited toner anxiety, unreasonable expectations, and a hostile relationship with spreadsheets.
May 15, 2026 / Dr. Voltage
Researchers have taped a polite note to the drawer asking it to stop advancing the field without supervision.