Fungus Denies It Has Designs On The School Board
Satire / entertainment. Read responsibly. Panic recreationally.
A fast-spreading patch of fungus issued a rare public denial today, insisting it has no plans to seek office, influence curriculum, or become the moist power behind local governance.
“We are merely expanding,” the fungus said through a spokesperson who looked tired and slightly edible.
Dr. Voltage warns that fungus should never be underestimated, especially when it begins using phrases like “stakeholder engagement” and “strategic dampness.”
The fungus ended the press conference by releasing spores and a three-year facilities plan.
