Scientists Warn Space Has Been Making Plans Without Us
Satire / entertainment. Read responsibly. Panic recreationally.
Researchers monitoring the night sky have confirmed that space has been making plans without us, a development described as “technically expected” and “still extremely rude.”
The findings began when several telescopes pointed at the same patch of darkness and immediately asked to be turned around.
Officials insist there is no cause for alarm, which remains the official phrase used immediately before alarm becomes a municipal service.
Dr. Voltage recommends calm, hydration, and not promising the void anything in writing.
