The Screechling Denies Living In The Vent, Requests Better Snacks Anyway
A spokesperson for the newsroom said the creature is not staff, not management, and not technically a tenant.
Tag: satire
Committee Forms Subcommittee To Determine Whether Door Marked Doom Should Be Opened
Early reports suggest a bipartisan appetite for touching the worst possible handle.
Nation Announces Everything Is Fine Using Seventeen Emergency Fonts
The statement arrived color-coded, laminated, and visibly sweating near the margins.
Town Sign Adds “Good Luck” Overnight, Refuses Maintenance Crew
Municipal officials insist the sign is not legally authorized to be that familiar with residents.
Abandoned Carnival Music Heard From Unplugged Speaker
Technicians confirmed the speaker had no power source, no Bluetooth pairing, and absolutely the wrong attitude.
Local Puddle Develops Opinions And A Small Advisory Board
Residents say the puddle has always been there, but the laminated agenda is new.
Astronomers Detect Something Waving Back, Agree To Pretend They Did Not
The signal was described as friendly, rhythmic, and bad for morale.
Office Printer Achieves Sentience, Immediately Files A Workplace Complaint
The device cited toner anxiety, unreasonable expectations, and a hostile relationship with spreadsheets.
Laboratory Drawer Begins Humming In A Key Not Recognized By Staff
Researchers have taped a polite note to the drawer asking it to stop advancing the field without supervision.
Toaster ovens are tired of your crumbs
Toaster ovens, those handy appliances that can toast bread and heat up leftovers, have been putting up with a lot lately. With the rise...
Moon Briefly Flickers, Officials Ask Everyone To Blame Their Router
The sky performed a small administrative error just before breakfast. Experts say this is either fine or the start of a longer memo.