Space Sends Calendar Invite For “Brief Check-In With Humanity”
No agenda was attached, which experts agree is the second-worst kind of agenda.
Tag: satire
Scientists Teach Mold To Read, Regret First Book Selection
The project was halted after the colony underlined several passages and asked about governance.
The Screechling Denies Living In The Vent, Requests Better Snacks Anyway
A spokesperson for the newsroom said the creature is not staff, not management, and not technically a tenant.
Committee Forms Subcommittee To Determine Whether Door Marked Doom Should Be Opened
Early reports suggest a bipartisan appetite for touching the worst possible handle.
Nation Announces Everything Is Fine Using Seventeen Emergency Fonts
The statement arrived color-coded, laminated, and visibly sweating near the margins.
Town Sign Adds “Good Luck” Overnight, Refuses Maintenance Crew
Municipal officials insist the sign is not legally authorized to be that familiar with residents.
Abandoned Carnival Music Heard From Unplugged Speaker
Technicians confirmed the speaker had no power source, no Bluetooth pairing, and absolutely the wrong attitude.
Local Puddle Develops Opinions And A Small Advisory Board
Residents say the puddle has always been there, but the laminated agenda is new.
Astronomers Detect Something Waving Back, Agree To Pretend They Did Not
The signal was described as friendly, rhythmic, and bad for morale.
Office Printer Achieves Sentience, Immediately Files A Workplace Complaint
The device cited toner anxiety, unreasonable expectations, and a hostile relationship with spreadsheets.
Laboratory Drawer Begins Humming In A Key Not Recognized By Staff
Researchers have taped a polite note to the drawer asking it to stop advancing the field without supervision.